Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
