What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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