I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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