i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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