and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
