We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
