its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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