you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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