She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
