his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
