just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
