Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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