Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
