I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
