Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
