do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
