You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
do nipples grow back?
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