even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
