he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
