a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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