every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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