made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
