So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
