I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
