God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
