It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize