puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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