Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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