my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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