U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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