Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
