Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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