Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
