You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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