let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
