distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
