Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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