I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
