As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
