Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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