Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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