Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize