I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
