Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
