and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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