I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
