And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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