You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
