She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize