pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
