Me. At least after what I've been through.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
