dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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