If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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