i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
