thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
