im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
