How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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