DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Shame is for Republicans.
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