i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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