Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
