I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
