You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
