it was like his penis was on wheels.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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