My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
