the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize