How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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