I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
