Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
