spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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