we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
