He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
