i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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