He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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