I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize