I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
