I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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