i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
