apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
