There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
