So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize