She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
