i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
