dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
