I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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