i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
