I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
