I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
