And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize