and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
