that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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