Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
