how can u be prego again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize