Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
