The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
