White coat. Heels.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
