all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My vagina is very pro this idea
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
