CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
