his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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