my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
