I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
