I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
