Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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