Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize