I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
