no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
