Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
